Truthfully, I can’t sit here and preach that mentally I am healthy, and that I am perfect with my rainbows and sunshine life because well, that would all be a lie. In reality my mental health is messy. (Refer back to my biggest secrets) However, I am learning I am taking initiative to focus more on my mental health for a change. So, I took an entire week to do everything my brain freaks out about and I put my fitness goals on the back burner for the sake of saving my doggone brain.
As I have talked about before, I had and still struggle with a form of eating disorder. It’s not quiet classified as something as serious as anorexia, (which is what I called it for the longest time) but ya girl has done some research and realized that what I have developed is called Pocrescophobia .This basically means that the constant fear of gaining weight consumes me from the time I wake up until I go to sleep. And by consumes I really mean has total take over of my brain. My everyday thoughts are about what I am going to eat, how I am going to train, etc to combat obesity.
When it comes to eating, I have come a long way from starving myself but I am human and I still get urges to start skipping meals. When my head starts telling me to skip breakfast or dinner I defy it by getting up and making something healthy. And that’s one of the biggest ways I have come accustomed to eating and living a healthier lifestyle. It tricks my brain. But I have realized after a year of tracking my macros that eating the “right foods” and never going over my 41 grams of fat becomes an obsession. Tracking can be really helpful but not for someone like me. I am slowly getting over this obsession thanks to my brave self for NOT TRACKING (: I haven’t had many mental breakdowns about slipping up and eating something “unhealthy” since I stopped, so go me!
Now that I have gotten a better handle on my relationship with food a new problem arises…. THE GYM. Now, don’t get me wrong I love the gym and love to weight lift, absolutely love it. But, when I’ve been serving all day long with no breaks for 7 hours, sometimes I just want to go home and sit on my tooshie. (if you’re a waitress you can probably relate) not to mention I always have 18938958 other things to do when I get off work. i.e., do the dishes, do laundry, take care of the dog, do homework, make dinner, pack lunches… and the list could go on. So sometimes after all these things I am just honestly too pooped to go to the gym, and to any normal and rational person this would be okay but nope, not to me. I start beating myself up and calling myself harsh names, and that is not fair to me. Of all the people on the planet, you talk to yourself more than anyone. Make sure you are saying the right things.
So, now after that extremely long preface I am going to tell you the things I did this week to focus on my mental health and stability.
I woke up early
I decided that I was going to wake up much earlier than I usually do because I am a morning person. I love the peacefulness of mornings. I got up early to sit on the couch, read my Bible, do my morning devotional, read some awesome blogs, and sip my almond milk latte. By doing a combination of these things I was able to start my days off much happier. However, in order to do all this I also went to sleep earlier, which I also enjoy thoroughly. Waking up early actually benefited me more than I was intending, because by waking up an hour earlier it actually trained my internal alarm to wake up that early without force, which is good because I’ve been wanting to go to the gym earlier, so maybe this will help me next week and in the future.
I ate 80/20
Now, I didn’t go all out and eat ice cream for every meal, and that is mostly because eating healthy truly TRULY makes me happy. But what I did do was eat a great sweet UNHEALTHY dessert on the nights I wanted them and I didn’t allow myself feel overwhelmed with guilt afterwards. So, for breakfast, lunch, and dinner I ate the things that I normally would and then for dessert I ate ice cream, and cookies and you know your typical 80/20 lifestyle and when I say I enjoyed this part I am not lying.
I skipped the gym
Yes, ME. I skipped the gym for an entire week and I didn’t allow myself to stress it. However, I wasn’t exactly lazy I worked, went to school, did homework, and did house work. But after skipping the gym it made me miss the gym, like actually miss being sweaty and out of breath, and I needed that. I needed to miss the gym in order to get myself back into my groove. It also made me realize that if I miss the gym once or twice it isn’t going to be a complete detriment to my health and goals. So, if you’ve worked all day and have a ton of things to do and just can’t make it, don’t sweat it.
I read more
I took the time to read some really interesting blogs outside of the fitness world. I am so glad I was able to do this, I read things about making me stronger in my faith. I found some really awesome bloggers and I actually learned a lot from reading all these different things.
I didn’t wear makeup
Lastly the thing I did that I probably loved the most was go an entire week without any makeup. Most of this was just out of pure laziness. But my skin felt so nice being naked for a change. I am usually so insecure about my naked face, but this week I embraced it and surprisingly I loved it. I think I will skip my makeup routine more than I ever imagined in the future.
Over all I am very pleased with myself for not letting my phobia control my life for a change. This was a really great experience and I have no regrets about my decisions. I hope that anyone struggling with anything in their lives will love themselves enough to take a week just to do whatever their heart desires, I promise it’s worth it.
Thanks for stopping by,